The truth about feelings

"What I often encounter in my work, is that people try to have different feelings than they do. They say "I want to feel happy" or "I want to feel comfortable with my body" or "I don't want to be scared anymore". It's often hard to give up on the aim to have or don't have a certain feeling.

Feelings are never stable. Our feelings change every few seconds. We can't control what's going to happen next and which feelings will result from whatever happens. To have this goal of having a certain feeling is not a very achievable goal.

Instead I recommend this way of viewing feelings: the feeling is never the problem. The problem isn't that you're scared or uncomfortable or unhappy. That's not the problem. The problem is that your needs aren't met. It's good that you have those feelings, but you need to make sure to not stop at the feeling, but connect to what your need is that creates the feeling. Imagine a world where you can't feel the feeling hunger. You'd never know that or when the body needs food. You'd starve and not even know it.

It's good that you have those uncomfortable feelings. They tell you that your needs aren't met. The problem is that in our culture, you're not at all trained to connect your feelings with needs. Most of us don't know what we need. So what we're trying to do is to change our feelings. That can only work short term. Instead,  look for your need and find a way to meet your need. That's what will make a difference."

~Marshall Rosenberg, Founder, Center of Nonviolent Communication

Funny Latin phrases

Furnulum pani nolo - I don't want a toaster

Nonne de novo eboraco venis? - You're from New York, aren't you?

Nonne macescis? - Have you lost weight?

Quod foetet? - What's that bad smell?

Quomodo cogis comas tuas sic videri? - How do you get your hair to do that?

Re vera, potas bene - Say, you sure are drinking a lot

Sic friatur crustum dulce - That's the way the cookie crumbles

Subucula tua apparet - Your slip is showing

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On having the courage to be yourself (by Eleanor Roosevelt)

"It's your life -- but only if you make it so. The standards by which you live must be your own standards, your own values, your own convictions in regard to what is right and wrong, what is true and false, what is important and what is trivial. When you adopt the standards and values of someone else or a community or a pressure group, you surrender your own integrity. You become, to the extent of your surrender, less of a human being."

Eleanor Roosevelt

(One of the top regrets listed by the dying is not having the courage to be more yourself because it sometimes goes against what other people want or expect you to be. Live your life for you.💕)

Why we must stand in integrity

"Relationships are like jigsaw puzzles. You're one piece of a puzzle, and your close associates are the pieces who connect with your piece. If your shape changes, all the people connected to you must do one of two things: either change to match your integrity, or else allow distance and pressure that hasn't existed before. This is challenging, to be sure. But the alternative—staying in a contorted shape so you fit in the space others want you to fill—is a violation of your truth." Martha Beck

From Naomi Shihab Nye: This is the world I want to live in. The shared world.

Beautiful: